My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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