She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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