But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
