woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She needs sedatives and a leash
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
