If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
