she was so not down for the gang bang
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
