I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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