Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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