I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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