Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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