So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
