I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
