so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
