It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
