From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
