i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
