I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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