Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
