I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
