I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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