Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
