Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
