I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
