Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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