i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
