There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
