another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
