she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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