He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
