If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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