You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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