I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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