But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
