she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
