I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
