you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
