My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
