We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
