Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize