i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
