So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
