Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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