wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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