I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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