tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
