ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
