i permit you to call me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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