I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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