piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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