It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
