The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
