you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
