I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
