I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
