she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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