omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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