I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
smell my finger.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
