i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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