I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
